I'm a Workaholic. Here are 5 Ways I Overcome My Obsessive Behaviors

从电影和电视到音乐和书籍，美国文化魅力化"the grind." If you're not working 24/7 to achieve "boss" status, you've settled for basic, and the results will speak for themselves. These representations trick us into believing that mega-wealth and cultural relevance are possible for us all, when in reality, there's only one Beyonce.

But, at least in my case, popular culture isn't to blame for myworkaholism. Instead, my obsession is deeply rooted in a need for approval, love and validation. Today, I'm lucky to have an amazing support system, but even so, I desire to please people who will never assuage the empty feeling in my gut. The temporary satisfaction of overperforming for a client is something that, however fleeting, I crave.

The美国心理协会将工作狂的特征描述为1）由于内部压力而被迫工作的感觉，2）对不工作时的工作有持续的想法，3）尽管可能造成负面后果，但仍超出了合理期望的工作。查看。查看。查看。

也许是workaholicand a "highly engaged employee" of the sort every employer wants is that the former experiences negative emotions with work (e.g., guilt,焦虑, anger), and the latter experiences positive ones (e.g.,幸福，专心和信心）。

Feeling like a thrall to work and craving validation from others is a toxic comfort zone I've resided in for decades. This最近警告from the Surgeon General's Office announcing that toxic work environments are a genuine publichealth危险表明，数以百万计的其他美国人必须与我遭受痛苦。

残酷的讽刺是，尽管有不同的工作，但学习狂行为是工作的。在当今的超联系世界中，工作狂正在成为一个increasing concern- 特别是对于那些使用智能手机和平板电脑长大的年轻一代。

After much reflection and research, here are some things that I've found effective for helping to overcome my worst obsessive work behaviors.

Related:Is Being a Workaholic a Symptom of Anxiety or Depression?

1.停止证明自己是工作狂的自我毁灭性结果。

当你的工作狂negatively impactsyour life, stop saying there's nothing you can do about it. Unless you're a medical professional, most of the work you and I do is not so essential that it can't wait a day or even a week. There may be a timeline, and the client may be depending on you to meet it, but is it worth harming your health or your marriage over it?

诚实地说，您可能会严厉地说工作的重要性或设定不现实的期望。如果您的经理给您施加太大压力，那么与他们进行坦率的对话。如果您是罪魁祸首，是时候停止责怪他人并认识到您的错误决定将您带到这个地方了。

Related:Advice From a Recovering Workaholic: Make a Shift to 'Less Is More'

2.要脆弱并寻求帮助（做可怕的事情）。

支持小组是恢复程序的通用元素，因为很难打破瘾独自的。没有其他人抱着你负责，很容易陷入适应不良的模式。克服工作狂需要脆弱，并向您信任的人寻求帮助，他们对您诚实诚实。拥抱他们的反馈意在为您提供帮助，而不是伤害您。变得防御只会延迟您的进步，并可能阻止他人完全参与您的幸福旅程。

Often, people fear that by asking for help, they're burdening others, but research shows that the opposite is true. Ina study由Xuan Zhao的Stanford's SPARQ Research Center, "help-seekers underestimated how willing strangers – and even friends – would be to help them and how positive helpers would feel afterward." Furthermore, most people like helping others, but they may feel uncomfortable offering help without being asked for various reasons. "A direct request can remove those uncertainties," says Zhao, "It can also create emotional closeness when you realize someone trusts you enough to share their vulnerabilities."

Related:如何寻求您需要成功的帮助

3. Appreciate and stay present with "real" sources of connection in life.

In our digital age, the word "connection" has taken on a very different meaning. As aLinkedInjunkie, I have thousands of people with whom I stay connected through DMs, posts and comments. But would I reach out and confide in these thousands of connections with something deeply personal? Decidedly not. There are a handful of people with whom I'm genuinely connected. They are the people who get neglected when I'm answering work emails late into the night or attending Zoom conferences during "vacations."

这些来源authentic connection接我，让我专注于真正重要的事情。我渴望的验证已经可以与我所珍视的充满爱心的人一起使用。通过睁开眼睛，我可以欣赏我能够与家人和朋友在一起，克服挑战并享受的家人和朋友多么幸运being和。这种联系形式是健康的，康复的和赋予生命的，这是我正在学习的每天都有更多存在的东西。

4. Practice routine values check-ins with yourself.

因为我的日历是我的上帝，所以我安排与自己的定期价值签到。现在是我评估我对自己的价值观的承诺的时候了。正如我所说的this piece关于从岩石底部弹跳，强大的领导者知道谁和什么价值，并将这些价值观带入他们做出的每个决定。这不应排除影响您个人的决策。

您如何在工作中做出决定应反映出您在家的决定。如果这两件事不一致，那么值得研究为什么不调查。为什么您在家中的价值观与工作中的价值不同？您的工作环境是否可以使您真正成为您？您是否正在制作分叉的房屋和工作价值的要求？如果是这样，为什么？

根据我的经验，放弃价值是业务失败的最可靠方法。无论是在工作还是在家中，除了您以外，没有人能为您做出决定。使自己成为自己价值观的保护者。没有其他人有责任或能见度为您做。

5.定期练习少量的自我保健行为，直到习惯性。

Transformation doesn't happen overnight. Unless you're truly exceptional, you will not wake up one day relieved of all your workaholic behaviors. Appreciate thatsmall steps，当定期重复时，可以等于有意义的变化。换句话说，小东西很重要。

设置边界是困难的对于工作狂来说,so start by saying no to something small like a meeting for the sake of a meeting. Everyone has a meeting like this on their calendar. If it's a fun time to chit-chat with a colleague, then, by all means, enjoy it. If it takes away from time you could be spending for yourself, cancel it and don't feel bad about it. Like your values, no one can protect your own time but you.

Related:Vacation Tips From a Workaholic

Additional Resources

When I'm reflecting on a challenge, it sometimes helps me laugh at myself, but issues of addiction — whether work or substance use related — can be dangerous and crippling. For more information on how to overcome workaholism, check out these resources below.

• 工作狂匿名
• National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers
• Healthline: Work Addiction